One Boy, One Dog, One Hope: Meet Elliott

So, before we begin the story of providing Elliott with a service dog, I want you to meet my son - Elliott.

Elliott is now almost five (in August) and has just finished up his first year of preschool at Head Start. Lucky for us, all foster children are eligible for Head Start enrollment regardless of the income of their foster parents or adoptive parents. Prior to attending Head Start, he had attended a local day care center, but was discharged due to safety concerns. He continually wandered out of his classroom and the fenced outdoor play area to head toward the street. Back then, we were unsure of Elliott's diagnosis. All that we knew was that things were not right, and no one seemed to have answers. I've often said how much regard I have for professionals who evaluate and diagnose children. It must take one heck of a crystal ball. Many of Elliott's behaviors were always explained away with, "all children do that SOMETIMES...". But his list of quirks had grown to more than 30 and we knew better. This fall, Elliott will attend junior kindergarten - we hope... There is only one classroom with 18 slots, and Elliott is academically eligible for kindergarten placement. But, not socially or behaviorally ready at all. If they run out of slots for him in JK, then both he and his older brother would be in kindergarten at the same time. The natural order of things would get turned upside-down then. His older brother Pierson (who is much smaller than Elliott) would NOT feel like a big brother anymore. Here's to keeping fingers crossed that it all works out.

So who is this boy? Elliott. Ahh yes. Well, he sure is an Elliott. Elliott is kind and sweet, always has hugs and kisses for the people and animals around him. He has a few nicknames around our crazy house. Sometimes we call him Elli - O.T. (ell-ee-oh-tee), after all - occupational therapy has been part of his life for quite a while. And then there are times we call him "Oats", or "Oatie" (oh-tee). These are just the ones that have stuck. He loves play, books, anything messy, being messy, and outdoor play. Riding a bike has always been a challenge. We were lucky enough to learn about a program in Illinois that provides free therapy tricycles that feature back support, a seat belt, and straps to hold his feet on the pedals. I''ll never forget the Sensory Integration PT session with Tamar Hamilton (PT at United Cerebral Palsy in Canton) where he rode a therapy tricycle for the first time. Driving home, I actually cried in the car with the music turned up, telling him that daddy was just very happy - nothing to worry about. You see, we had tricycles for Elliott and his brother - but he couldn't do it for more than 15 seconds at a time. He'd get on and off and on and off, walking the trike a few steps and then moving on to something else. Too hard. Too much coordination needed. Bur during that magical PT session with Tamar, it all changed. He rode for the full 45 minute session - all over, through parking lots, on sidewalks, everywhere. Even to the gas station where we pedaled up to the pumps and pretended to pump more gas into his trike so he would have fuel to make the trip back to the PT office. Yep - me, Mr. toughie, cried that day. With kids, they learn so rapidly and continually show us all that they can do. With Elliott, we saw lots of attempts - he always wanted to do things, but he couldn't. There were limits and frustration for him. There were barriers. It wasn't fair, but that's the way it was. But that day turned it all upside-down. With modifications, he could do simple things like ride a trike successfully, and it was beautiful! So I had to get a trike just like the therapy one at the PT office. But then, I realized they were $1500. bikes! So much for that, until I learned about the program in Illinois. All they charged was shipping. A group of volunteers that knew the struggles of so many kids that needed equipment like this, and the financial limitations of their parents. The box arrived and we put it together. I later built a wooden wagon for him to tow with the trike. Now, he gives his brother or anyone else who wants them - rides in his wagon while he does the "hard work", as he calls it.

I've always been sensitive to Elliott needing to understand that he is OK, just as he is. So, I keep my trepidations to myself as much as I can and always put on my life is great face for him. After all, I am his dad - which clearly requires superpowers. Remember that time? When your parents were magical? Well, I want that to last as long as it can. But there are things that he needs coaching on. In fact, I have often said that on most days, I feel more like his coach than his dad. That's why I am super excited about his eligibility for OPWDD services. Now, a coach can be hired, and I can fire myself and become just his dad again. This is pervasive in families with special needs kids. You become the coach and it chokes out time that you would have just been a parent. And being a parent is critical - the most important thing. A coach will be pretty easy to locate and hire, but he will only ever have one dad, one mom, one family.

One of the things I have coached him on is an appropriate way to greet people. When we are in the grocery store, it's not uncommon for Elliott to run up to a stranger and ask to be picked up (no easy feat for this 54 pound 4 year old)! Then he wants to give a kiss - after all, we all love kisses, don't we? Well, it was clear early on that all the books we own and read about stranger danger are not fixing this problem. So now we have a ritual. If you meet someone new, you do a "NICE TO MEET YOU". A "nice to meet you" means you walk up to the person and try really hard to look at their head. It's ok if you can't look at their eyes, but at least pick something on their head - chin, nose, something - and then extend your right hand, shake the persons hand and say, "Nice to meet you...". Even though it is a bit redundant, I'm even OK with him doing this with people he has already met or knows, but hasn't seen in a long time. It's an appropriate way to reconnect. "Nice to meet you (again)!"

So here are some pictures of Elliott - his way on this blog of telling you that we are excited that you are here and learning with us as we learn about how to train your own service dog. These pictures take you on a trip in his history, from when he was about a year old until now. So hold out your right hand - try to look at his head, shake his hand, and say, "It's nice to meet you too, Elliott".

One Year Old

One Year Old with one of his quirks from early childhood - lots and lots of drool!

One Year Old with a soaked shirt.

Dressed up by the water in the park with daddy

Pierson and Elliott on adoption day in June of 2013, with the special woman who helped them tirelessly to become adopted - Case Planner, Kristin Reilley.

Pierson and Elliott on adoption day in June of 2013 - I had taught him to nibble the inner tips of the clover or honeysuckle flower to taste something sweet. Elliott decides it's better to just taste the whole flower.